Daily Interactions with Foreign Domestic Workers

Interacting with foreign domestic workers can be challenging for many employers. On the one hand, they have an employment relationship with each other. On the other hand, the domestic worker is also a part of the household. Different respondents shared how they balance the needs of both the domestic workers and their families, emphasizing the importance of establishing good communication to maintain a stable relationship. They also mentioned that cultural differences can pose challenges in communication.

Balancing the Needs of Foreign Domestic Workers and Family Members

Employers must find a balance between the needs of foreign domestic workers and the quality of life for their families while also coordinating the relationship between the foreign domestic workers and elderlies in the family.

Both workers and employers will make various requests based on personal and family needs, but reaching a consensus is not always possible. For example, a worker once expressed a desire to take a month off to visit her family, but the employer, Brian, felt that three weeks was the maximum he could allow. He informed the worker that if she insisted on taking a month off, the fourth week would not be paid leave. Brian also made it clear:

Ultimately, the worker understood Brian's perspective and returned to work after her vacation ended.

Employers have different ways to respond when workers present various demands. For Brian, if a worker makes multiple requests at once, he would not immediately agree. For instance, when a worker wanted an extra day off during a busy period, he replied, "I'll see if I can adjust the schedule. Consider it not possible for now, and I'll let you know later", indicating that he would not fulfill every request.

In addition to balancing the interests of both parties, employers sometimes need to coordinate interactions between different family members and the worker. In Brian's household, his father-in-law might want to communicate with the worker but is afraid of offending the worker, so he expresses his frustrations to Brian and his wife. For example, he mentioned that he often does not understand what the two workers are saying in Indonesian. Brian then addressed this with the worker: "It doesn't matter what language you speak among yourselves. But when you're taking care of grandma, grandpa also wants to know what's happening. So please try speaking English with him". Brian added, "But I won't dictate how you must do things because language is part of your culture". This shows that Brian considers the worker's habits while also expressing his family's needs and expectations.

Maintaining a Stable Relationship Between Foreign Domestic Workers and Family

In Brian's case, it is evident that employers need to manage the relationships between workers and family members. Like Brian, another respondent, Tracy, also plays a coordinating role between the worker and other family members while carefully gauging how much to intervene.

When her husband's dissatisfaction with the worker escalates, Tracy quickly intervenes, reminding him that he should blame the children rather than the worker. She tells her husband, "Actually, shouldn't you expect your two kids to clean up after themselves? You shouldn't blame the worker. You should be addressing your two children about why things ended up this way!"

This illustrates how important it is for employers to mediate and maintain a balanced dynamic within their households, ensuring that both the needs of the family and the worker are respected and understood.

In her daily life, Tracy actively educates her children to take responsibility for their own tasks instead of relying on the worker to care for them. On the other hand, she privately expresses her husband's emotions and thoughts to the workers: "I will hint the worker to help tidy up a bit as my husband is really unhappy and about to explode. Would you prefer he tells you directly, or should I tell you now?"

Tracy's approach to communication helps maintain a balanced relationship between her family and the worker effectively preventing potential conflicts. By addressing issues discreetly and encouraging her children to be more independent, she fosters a supportive environment where both the family and the worker can coexist harmoniously.

Discussing Family Planning with Foreign Domestic Workers

Foreign domestic workers are sometimes considered part of the family, and some employers choose to discuss family planning with them, informing them about the potential addition of new family members and the possibility of increased workload. Nicole and her husband are considering having children but have not made a final decision. Nicole once asked her worker for her opinion.

The worker in Nicole's household is older and treats the couple like her own children. Nicole added, "We also regard her as an elder in our home who takes care of us, and we are very grateful for her".

This interaction highlights how communication between employers and workers can foster understanding of each other's values and expectations regarding the scope of the worker's services. By discussing family planning openly, both parties can prepare for changes in household dynamics and responsibilities.

Cultural and Religious Factors Influencing Interactions

Living with foreign domestic workers presents challenges, particularly due to differences between their living cultures and Chinese culture. For instance, Mandy employs a worker who primarily handles household chores and cooking.

When hiring the worker, Mandy had already communicated the need to handle ingredients like pork, which the worker accepted. Mandy's friends have had similar experiences. However, while all their workers adhere to dietary restrictions, the strictness varies among different workers. For example, Mandy's worker completely avoids pork but is willing to cook it. In contrast, some of Mandy's friends have workers who might consume pork broth but not the meat itself, indicating a more lenient approach.

Another respondent, Amy, faced conflicts between her grandmother and their worker due to religious practices. Amy's worker is very devout and prays five times a day while also fasting from dawn until sunset. Amy's grandmother disapproves of this routine, believing it makes the worker weak and unable to perform her duties effectively. As a result, Amy decided not to hire the worker anymore and instead had her grandmother manage household chores and childcare. However, Amy worries that her grandmother might become too exhausted from constantly caring for the children, leading her to limit extracurricular activities for her daughter.

Understanding Cultural Differences for Effective Communication

Tammy's experiences highlight that differences in cultural backgrounds and unclear communication can lead to discrepancies between family expectations and the performance of domestic workers.

Tammy mentioned that the domestic workers from the Philippines often had different lifestyles. 

Another employer, Kalie, also encountered cultural differences: "For example, a towel—she had clearly used it to clean the toilet but then used it to wipe the sink. I found it problematic, but she didn't think it was an issue".

Tammy once asked the domestic worker to add a bit more water when cooking rice, but the worker still didn't add enough water. Later, Tammy marked the water-to-rice ratio on a measuring cup. "My husband asked if she didn't clearly understand what 'a bit more' or 'a bit less' water meant. I explained it in more detail, so these seemingly simple things were actually not understood by her". Her experiences reflect the need to be mindful of cultural differences to achieve clearer communication.

These examples illustrate how cultural and religious differences can impact the dynamics between employers and workers. Understanding and respecting these differences is crucial for fostering harmonious relationships within the household.

Strategies for Employers to Overcome Communication Barriers

Employers often face various communication challenges with their domestic workers. Another employer, Bess, and her domestic worker chose to address these issues with time and patience. Bess's first domestic worker was from Indonesia and did not understand Chinese or English, creating a significant communication barrier.

Despite the initial communication difficulties, Bess and her husband decided to give the domestic worker time to adapt. Eventually, the domestic worker not only learned basic Chinese but also successfully completed her contract. Bess recounted incidents where the domestic worker mistakenly handed her eldest son to another student's mother and once got lost because she didn't recognize the library entrance. However, her husband consistently supported giving the domestic worker more opportunities, reasoning, "You usually give people a three-month probation period. For someone from a different country, you should at least give them six months".

Ultimately, Bess considered renewing the contract with this domestic worker, but the plan fell through as the domestic worker needed to return to Indonesia for maternity leave. Bess's experience illustrates that employers should anticipate communication barriers, such as language differences, when hiring domestic helpers. However, with patience and allowing the domestic worker time to adjust to the new environment, it is possible to overcome these obstacles.

Summary

When interacting with domestic workers, employers need to balance the needs of their household with the requirements of their domestic workers as employees. From the perspective of the migrant domestic workers, they come to work in Hong Kong alone, with families back in their home countries who may require their attention, such as needing to take leave to visit relatives. On the other hand, as employers, the services provided by domestic workers are closely linked to the quality of life at home. Employers must constantly coordinate the expectations between the domestic workers, themselves, and their families to reduce conflicts and maintain stable family relationships.

Employers need to understand that domestic workers may not necessarily be familiar with local culture. As with organizing work tasks, these communication matters also require significant management effort. The experiences of the interviewees illustrate the need for employers to evaluate their ability to manage relationships with domestic workers, before deciding to employ domestic workers.